A Purpose

            I just can’t believe that it was God’s will for Victoria to be sick and die. Even the idea that he allowed it is difficult for me to accept. To allow something is to agree to it and align your will with it. I believe that when Jesus died on the cross, he did so to restore to us all that had been lost in the fall of man. In the scriptures (Isaiah 53:5 and 1 Peter 2:24b) salvation and healing are specifically stated as results of what Jesus did for us. It was done by God’s grace to be received by us through faith (Ephesians 2:8). I know many people will probably not agree with me, but during the 5 months Mike and I fought for Victoria’s life this is the direction and understanding I felt God was leading me in.  I don’t understand it all. That fact is obvious in that I am bereft of my daughter as I write this. It is also the reason I cannot be angry at God. To blame him for Victoria’s death, or for not preventing it, is to arrogantly assume I know everything about God’s ways and his laws. I do not. And yet, there is a terrible discrepancy between what I know, or think I know, and what I have experienced. To be completely honest I think that I was so overwhelmed by natural fear and unbelief that I was unable to access the provided promise. I am left with more questions than answers.

            I think that God knew that all would happen as it did. He was not surprised. I can accept that there is purpose in all that happened, in Victoria’s short life, in the aftermath I find myself in. Mike and I drew closer together and closer to God because of her life. I became a mommy because of Victoria. I don’t think I will ever look at children the same way again. Each one is so precious. I will be a better teacher, and mommy to her brothers and sisters because of her. Victoria’s short life had a purpose and she fulfilled it. I wanted her to live and she did, although it was short. I gave her life. I am proud of that.

            I want to share something my Aunt Trudi wrote for me shortly after Victoria’s death. I was comforted by her inspired words and it lifted my eyes from my all-consuming grief.

My Purpose Fulfilled

By Trudi Batt

            There was a whirlwind of excitement in the air. Jesus was looking for just the right one for His Purpose intended. I urged Him to choose me. I sang and danced about, making silly faces, rolling and tumbling in the grass, trying to sway His vote. His attention was turned to me, with warm, penetrating, joyous eyes; a smile drew across His tireless, glowing face. He threw His head back and laughed. I knew He had chosen me. He held me close, and we talked about the secrets of His universe and how I would work into the plans perfectly. He held my face in his hands and spoke lovingly to me. I touched his face and nuzzled into His chest. As He told me about my mama and daddy I shivered with excitement. He loved them so much. He talked about how He had put them together, and what wonderful plans He had for their future. That I was in their future, ever how brief and fleeting they would think it was. I was going to be part of a purpose fulfilled for all involved.

            The well- wishers were many, excited about my trip to earth. Singing and laughing ensued as I embarked.

            My story began with love between my mommy and daddy. They dreamed and laughed, planned and worked toward my arrival. Mama rubbed her belly and sang to me and over me, oh I loved that! Daddy told me how much he loved me as he snuggled up to me, like Jesus has always done. Giving me kisses that I just knew, were mine alone. Daddy, you loving my mama and the kindness you show her makes me burst with joy. I feel her happiness because of it, and warmth you bring to us both.

            Parties were given to celebrate my pending arrival. Soon I was delivered into my parents loving arms. Oh how they loved me, cherishing every moment together, kissing my tiny face, holding me ever so gently, remarking on my exquisitely formed lips and the perfection of my flawless features. I loved every minute of it, the cooing and caressing, all of it. We created so many memories in that brief period of time.

            I fulfilled the purpose I was created for. Jesus you were right, they were everything you said they would be. They never raised a hand to hurt me, only to cherish and celebrate my life. I was supposed to stay just long enough to meet them, to share just a bit of heaven with each other.

            Thank you for being everything Jesus said you would be. What a wonderful journey, I can’t wait to tell the others who are waiting for their chance to fulfill their purpose in God’s secrets of His Universe.

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